I have no idea what this post is going to talk about or where it's gonna go. There is so much that has been happening that is scaring the hell outta me while making me very very angry. Be it idiotic Sri Ram Sene actually getting cockier by the day with the publicity they are getting to people losing jobs in hundreds every single day.
Puja wrote her usual short post packed with a punch after the Mangalore attacks and though I tried to take it lightly, I just realised that it could be so true. Tomorrow, it could be M and me sitting somewhere and talking or just holding hands and walking in the malls, god forbid even exchange a hug and a peck and we could be thrashed for it. I don't wear any mangalsutra or toe rings to prove I am married. Will carrying my marriage certificate everywhere help considering most of these hooligans cannot even read?
If push comes to shove, will I be able to kick these men in their nuts and tell them to buzz off?! Will it be wise to do that even if I could work up the courage to do it? I mean violence isn't exactly my strength. No wonder, I don't belong to any of these moral police type parties. I quite like Trailblazer's post on this. It hurts like hell. Do read it. IHM too has been making a point and all relevant ones too about this.
To top it all, the BJP government ru(i)nning the state doesn't think parties like SRS need to be banned. Are these not fundamentalist organisations too? Are these people NOT terrorists?? These "internal terrorists" are even more dangerous because they actually get support and protection from some of us. Just like I was shocked to see some of my "educated" friends supporting MNS! So on that principle, will they support Kannada Rakhshna Vedike or some such organisation when they try to throw Maharashtrians out? With such violent means? Here's an interesting post by M on Internal Terrorism
Just today I had lunch with a male friend. We hug when we meet. If there is one of those hooligans walking by just when we hugged, will I branded as a slut, a dhabba on Indian culture and worthy of being molested by 10 men?! My heart beats faster and my blood boils at the thought of it.
Why do we make such a big deal about how grown up men and women want to behave with each other? Or how they want to spend their free time?
M used to travel a lot in one of his previous jobs. There was no Cubby even and I used to really get bored. The only friends I had then were mostly M's pals and some colleagues of mine. More often than not I would call one of em least once a week and tell them to take me out. We would have dinner, perhaps go to a pub or watch a late night movie. M knew about this and he was totally OK with it because we base our relationship on trust. That's the reason I was ok with him going to a bikini bar on his trip to Philipines! That's what grown ups do. They talk and sort out things amongst themselves. They don't need some idiot of a culture vulture to tell them what is right and what is wrong!
Once when a colleague and me decided to go for a movie, M was online (sitting in some godforsaken country) and I told him to book our tickets for the last show. My colleague was shocked. He actually could not believe that a relationship could be so honest and easy. Ofcos this dude perennially worried about how to get a virgin wife and I kept telling him you can never be sure! That made the poor guy even more nervous! :p
So then why do we complicate everything by basing things on gender stereotypes and prejudices of every kind? Why is it still a big deal to get married out of your caste and religion? Why is still awesome if we celebrate each other's festivals? Shouldn't it be the norm by now? Why do we still keep the onus of preserving bharatiya "culture" on a woman's shoulder? Why do we think different rules apply for different people and sexes?! Why can't I dance in a discotheque? Why can't i drink if I want to?! Why can't I wear what I want without being judged either as aunty or a whore?! Why am I an outsider even in my own country just because I cross a state border? Why is it so difficult for us to be polite and speak a language that everyone in the group understands?!
But more than all these things, why are we suddenly SO intolerant of everything thats different from us?! And what makes us think its OK to resort to violence to prove our point?! Why do we all want to be same, rather than enjoy our differences and diversity?! I mean not many countries are as lucky as we are to have so many different cultures in one geographical area! Shouldn't we celebrating it rather than fight it?!
Like I said this was supposed to be rambling. I almost never do these kinda posts because I cannot be logical in my thoughts and rather prefer reading and commenting on other people's blogs. But what the heck, its my blog innit?! :p
19 comments:
abha actually this is a very good post... the point is very made...
if at all we could accept that there does exist something called a platonic relationship world would be a much better place.
I am so fed up with all of this... most of my close friends are men and i never ever think of how i am behaving with them, its just natural a hug when u meet... the pats on the back... the hi-5's a shoulder for crying and at times just a hug for suppport... it speaks a lot and nothing has changed in most of the relationships post marriage...
i will be the first one they will thrash if they come to know abt me...
and thats the whole point, WHO THE F%^k ARE THEY TO TRY AND CONTROL OUR LIFE????? WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO???
PS: sorry for the long comment
AB-SO-LU-TE-LY with you!!!
These outfits just GET my GALL!
And you know what, I feel like coming out with an outfit of my own which preaches that INDIA was never meant to be 'Hindu'stan the way these guys want it to. it was always meant to be a secular country, where people of all genders from all religions could think, speak and act in freedom.
It irritates me the way so many outfits have religious leanings to them.
And nothing irritates me as much as our police force doing nothing about these moral police. Aarrrgh indeed!
The great protectors of culture would not know "culture" if it bit them in the a**. They are rioters and goons with too much free time on their hands. The problem is most of Indian politicians rely on these thugs for muscle power, which is why they are growing unchecked. Yes, the harasee can be you or me or any normal tax-paying productive citizen. And there is nothing we can do about it. Despite the laws being in place, we will not be heard.
Abha, thats no rambling. Those were valid points put forth very nicely. Seriously, these fanatics should be taken to task. Government must ban any ANY ANY organisation who take the laws in their hands be it SriRam Sena or NMS or BJP! I mean its seriously time for action else we are going to be reduced to another Taliban!
The world is getting scarier and scarier. And I am feeling less and less optimistic.
Where are the rational people? Should we abandon all hope?
Well-ritten, namesake.
Abha it's like reading my own thoughts... all the same questions have been troubling me too.
Loved your rambling, I know your views from your comments of course but still t was good to read this post.
I will repeat what mamma mia me a mamma is saying ... WHERE HAVE ALL THE RATIONAL PEOPLE GONE? SHOULD WE ABANDON ALL HOPE?
Abha, I agree with the trust thing...its by far the most important thing in a relationship ..any relationship
As for the incident, I don't understand moral policing.....really it is a load of bull crap....losers sitting together and thinking of ways to take someone else down, and the root cause really is insecurity
And again insecurity ties in with the trust factor,...and therefor the need for virgin wives...lolz (i had to bring that up :))
That was not rambling, my dear that was speaking from the heart just like all your posts generally are...
its so scary to think that we came this far and now we are sliding back, this is a country which we are planning to leave for the young ones
and that's why i feel this added responsibility to make sure that my boys grow up into good guys, without being brainwashed...
You made your point well.
You know what? Last time when I visited Hyderabad, me and D went to Eat Street which is a famous waterside spot where families, married couples, unmarried couples, groups of girls, groups of boys almost everyone comes to enjoy food and some fresh air to escape summer heat. Coming, to the point, me and D, after eating, went to the end of the park and sat close to the water. I couldn't believe when this security man came and talked rudely to us and said this is not allowed ! I first thought its for the safety reason he is saying that ( but that was hardly a rough beach, it was a stagnant water!) We were shocked when he said that we can't sit close together like that in the dark !! It was hardly dark there with the kids' play area well lit behind us, and I don't think that we were even holding hands at that time - we were just sitting close and talking. My blood boiled at his attitude ! I refused to move away from there so he went and called his supervisor - even after we told him that we have been bloody married for last 10 years, he just kept on saying that its not allowed!!! I just couldn't believe it !! Who are they to interfere like that even if a couple is just sitting in a not so brightly lit area, if they just want to sit close and talk in some dim light? Sitting close, holding hands, giving a hug, since when has that become offensive behaviour ?
Man, this is madness !! My blood boils when I think about that incident.
Monika - we can all feel this indinganation and pain i guess. and its not just about moral policing, its about intolerance of every kind. be it making faces when you see a kid in the theatre to dissing other religions or regions.
JLT - yes. and these religious groups somehow find immediate support from most unxpected quarters. its funny how religion has become more important than god and we are not noticing it! :(
alankrita - i think its ridiculous that so many people dont even NOTICE the divide and rule policy all politicians are using. the unity that freeedom struggle brought has withered away in front of our eyes and we didnt notice it... politicians made us look at things differently and we kept falling into the trap time and again...
WIAN - yes. taking law in your hand even if you think something is wrong is absolutely unaccepatble. and these fanatics dont even HAVE that valid reason!
cheers!
abha
namesake - see we are here. and am sure there many more like us. and the hope comes from the fact we have kids to teach what is it that really matters in life! so dont give up on hope yet! thats all we have! :)
IHM - i didnt link any particular post of yours because all of them make sense! :)
AF - am glad least someone picked on the lighter bit of the post! virginity is highly over rated! :p and yes moral policing is just BS!
suma - yes! we can have hope simply because we have these gorgeous children to teach whats important! :)
2b's mommy - yes! i can imagine how nagry it must have made you. why shold the govt tell us where we can sit and talk or whether we can hold hands or no?!
cheers!
abha
Wohi main sochoon, suddenly aaj mere blog pe itne comments kaise!! It was lucky enough to be linked back from this wonderful post. Ah!
You know the funniest thing is that these morons actually make us debate, justify and protect something that doesn't need any justification in the first place. That's where they win!
Like, MNS made people say that yes the violence was wrong but then some bhaiyyas are quite rude and dirty. Bush made people say that US had no business to destroy Iraq and Afghanistan but then Saddam was a bad guy too. Now, SRS has made us justify how and why we are friends with the opposite sex. In other words, if it were more than platonic, if there was a hint of harmless flirtation, the lynching and beheading would be justified.
Just like Saddam's murder was justified.
The point is not whether 'ek ladka ladki kabhi dost nahin ho sakte' or not; the point is that governments today-- be it Congress in MH, BJP in KA or RJD in BR--- have laid the onus of crime on the victim rather than the hooligan.
We were so much more friendly as a poor nation. Prosperity and development is somehow making us all as dumb at them Yanks!
You made some very relevant & great pints there Abha.
& your Whys are the same that I what to ask. !!
give a thought for our generation!? we could not even think of the things u are actually doing. i am really happy that these idiots,who can't read your post,have made so many of us react.
once people start talking, thing have to improve. yes it is sad and unfortunate for those who had to go through the truma.
don't let the anger subside. things will improve.i have witness the change in the past and can see it coming again.
slavery disappeared, torture disappeared so will this phase.
you have written well. i am so proud of my daughter.never keep silient. God Bless
I quite liked your ramble.
You are absolutely right about being judged on the basis of our clothes-aunty or whore... so true.
And I salute you and M for sharing such a beautiful relationship. I found that the best in this post full of a justified rage and anger.
Totally understand. Am thousands of miles away and this issue is pissing me off! Seriously, yeh bakwaas kab khatam hogi?
sorry state we are and are in aren't we?
i just cant stop feeling helpless and angry about it all
I understand how you feel. In fact since 26/11 I have been quite depressed about the insecurity of our everyday life and now this. Why can't they think of some 'real' issues to fight about? and who the hell do they think they are to decide how everyone should live?
Every one of these people who fight in the name of state, language, religion, caste have NOTHING but personal agenda on their minds.
I am so sick and tired of all this.
Vidooshak - there you go giving a complete twist as always and making me go nodding yes, thats soi true! totally valid point!
M&A - true.
Papa - thanks! and yes, speaking up is one way to start the change! :)
mampi - i think its an anget all of us feeling and our helplesness just adds to the anger!
art - true. helpless is the word to describe it after anger.
Usha - so true. i think these people are just selfish. and too many of us are too dim to notice that. sadly.
cheers!
abha
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