Oh to be kind and generous in these times!

What a year this has been and what a week that went by!

Both India and US made waves in the world - the long term impact of neither can be fathomed at this point of time. The reaction to both these events has been the same - disbelief for everyone concerned, nationalist pride for some and shame for some. A part that believes that this the change that they have been looking for and the other which is horrified that someone could believe that THIS was a good news.

To set the record straight, I am what is now a days fondly called a libtard, libbie and god knows what other names. I am the side that is in as much shock that Donald J Trump got elected as the President of the United States, just as I was deeply disappointed when Narendra Modi was people's will in India. I truly believe that both of these men are morally and culturally bankrupt, albeit in different ways.

Yet, that is not what makes me despondent and fearful. Their beliefs, apart, it is their ability to build up a frenzy around themselves is what worries me the most. They bring out the basest instinct in their voter base which then indulges in real and implied acts of violence, racism and hate without a thought or remorse of any sort. Be it shouting "Go Home!" to seemingly immigrant looking folks or killing someone because they believed they ate beef (and no it does not matter whether he actually had any or no!)

One would argue that these men cannot be held responsible for aam junta's (common people's) behaviour. That is much like saying Hitler was noy responsible for Nazi atrocities. I would even give these men a leeway if they actually condemned the actions of these people. In my book silence is a tacit consent and I am not sure you can look at it in any other way.

I look at my Facebook timeline, my WhatsApp groups and everywhere else, I see a disturbingly divided world. A world where you are either for these men or against. There is no room for discussion. If you say anything against these men, you are being unreasonable and dumb at the simplest and a desh drohi (traitor) worthy of being charged for sedition at worst. You could go to jail for a Facebook post or tweet bhai. A democracy survives on ability to question and get answers. Even the seemingly best decisions may have effects that not everyone is aware of.

So the questioning CANNOT be seen as anti national. In today's day and age of social media whipped madness, we all need to see how can we be fair? How can we listen to both sides of the story without name calling and just shouting each other down? How do we stop behaving that if we do not believe in the same things we cannot be friends and family any more?

More than the years gone by, today is when we need more kindness and generosity. We need to open our minds to what other's beliefs are. WE do not have to agree with them, but we have to learn co-exist. To be able to follow the simple mantra of live and let live. And when someone questions our value system, we do not point to something worse and ask "But why aren't you asking them these questions?" (If i bring up beef ban, someone will tell me to go to Saudi Arabia and eat pork! Why would be want India to become Saudi Arabia?)

We need to open our hearts of people of every kind irrespective of their race, religion and sexual preferences or life choices. Look at your friends list. Do you have people from different parts of the country, world on it? People who have different languages and lifestyles? If not, it maybe time to broaden our horizons and let more people in. To let go of judgement and bias. To embrace the world and not let politics define the kind of person you are. Time to not hate just because your party stands for it. To not be racist and xenophobic because you haven't even given what you fear a chance. To give everything another chance if it did not work out the first time around. To not to be so rigid in our thought process that there is no place for discussion. To open our eyes to the fact that we have but this one life and it is up to us what we want it to be like.

The other day, Cub was telling me "My life is so boring! I need more danger. I need pizzazz!" To this the Bub responded by hugging him tightly sand saying "No bhaiyya. All you need is Love!"

She might have been doing this only to annoy him (I am quite sure of that actually), but baat mein toh dum hai.

Let's try a little more love and little less hate. If love is too much, I would go with kindness. Let us be kind. To ourselves and to others around us.

And last but not the least, like John Oliver said so succinctly, Fuck You 2016.

I truly cannot wait for you to be over!

So why aren't you a feminist?

“Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings.” 
― Cheris Kramarae

This has to be favourite quote about feminism. I am yet to see a word and movement more misunderstood. One could actually call this the dreaded 'F' word. But you know what? Eff that! ;)

So what does feminism mean to me?

“A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men.” 
― Gloria Steinem

It means equality. For both genders. It gives men the chance to explore beyond their society defined role of hunter and provider and experience nurturing and freedom to be sentimental. A world where it is normal for people to shed a few tears when they are sad irrespective of their gender and to laugh out loud is not considered bad manners for one of the genders. A society where what we enjoy doing is NOT defined by our gender and what is expected of it by society at large.

Feminism to me is opening the all the doors available to men be open to women too. Be it education, professions, art, sports or just the simple ability to loiter at whatever time and place. It means that a place and action that is safe for men, be safe for women too.

Feminism is our right to our bodies. It is about having easy and affordable access to birth control. Of having a right to be pro-choice and to not be treated like criminal for making that decision. It is  the ability to wear what we choose. Can you imagine this even being discussed as an issue for men where as world over policing women's bodies and choices is a national obsession. In a developed country like the US, states are still talking about making abortion illegal! I cannot being myself to imagine how is it anybody else's business in THIS day and age? It is easier to buy a gun and shoot people than get an abortion.

“There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."(Keynote speech at Celebrating Inspiration luncheon with the WNBA's All-Decade Team, 2006)” 
― Madeleine K. Albright

Feminism is NOT man hating and I sometimes honestly want to shake people who keep spouting such nonsense just to put down the whole movement. Ever so often among those are women too and I want to bang my head against the wall and give up hope. How do these women who enjoy EVERY SINGLE benefit of the movement reject being identified by it?

Feminism is NOT indulging in victim blaming and shaming. It is about not attributing the rape to what the woman wore, where she was at what time and claiming 'she was asking for it.' That is of course if you choose to believe her in the first place. Most sexual harassment victims at workplaces don't speak up because THEIR OWN career suffers rather than their perpetrator's.

“What’s the worst possible thing you can call a woman? Don’t hold back, now.
You’re probably thinking of words like slut, whore, bitch, cunt (I told you not to hold back!), skank.
Okay, now, what are the worst things you can call a guy? Fag, girl, bitch, pussy. I’ve even heard the term “mangina.”
Notice anything? The worst thing you can call a girl is a girl. The worst thing you can call a guy is a girl. Being a woman is the ultimate insult. Now tell me that’s not royally fucked up.” 
― Jessica Valenti, Full Frontal Feminism

Feminism is when 'like a girl' stops being an insult and 'my daughter, you know, is like a son to me' stops being a compliment. So, if you ever heard someone say "Don't cry like a girl!' and didn't get offended, you should. Stop putting us up on high moral grounds of being Goddesses and martyrs and then treat us like shit and not allow us our humanity.

“It's not my responsibility to be beautiful. I'm not alive for that purpose. My existence is not about how desirable you find me.” ― Warsan Shire

Feminism is fighting against the pink and blue division of children - where girls don't build things and drive fast cars and boys don't cook and take care of babies. It is about the constant messages that say girls should be pretty and calm and sweet and that boys will be boys. It is about having strong female role models and not princesses waiting to be rescued by their prince charming. It is about fighting the notion that a woman's worth is decided by how she looks and man's by how much he earns.

We are still fighting this battle on a daily basis - be it arming ourselves with umbrellas in crowded spaces to avoid being touched, have our bottoms pinched and breasts squeezed or trying to be heard in the boardroom that is usually majority men who love writing off our every success as being attributed to 'sleeping our way to do the top.' Writing off our opinions because we are too emotional is also a common tactic. We are fighting it when we cannot get education we want or when something as natural and common as menstruation is treated as dirty and used to keep us away from things using age old excuses of lack of hygiene and let's not forget the pseudo scientific reasons like we are stronger than God himself during 'those' days!

We are not fighting against men. WE are fighting against a system that allowed us to be treated as second class citizens. Feminism is a fight FOR men and women and men can be feminists too. We just need to catch them all young. To talk them about the history and what we hope for the future.

I don't think I can do justice to this topic in one blog post. Each of these points and many more have to be posts in themselves. But it is something very close to my heart and as I see my kids growing up in this world, still SO unfair, I cannot help but feel frustrated and wonder if things will change even in their lifetime. But one must continue the good fight, one small step at a time.

We need to understand ourselves and teach our kids, boy and girls, that gender is simply what is between their legs and not between their ears.

a forward too cute to resist!

So i got this forward from a mail and i though it was too cute to be missed! And since Cubby has entered our lives, I know time flies faster than before. So even though I think his homework days are far away, i know before long, I will be facing the H word! Have a good laugh!

(Here's the reply the teacher received the following day)

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,Mrs. Smith

And while I am doing the mommy bit, leme shock Muthalik by telling him that Mommies also believe in Pink Chaddis and all that they stand for! I am verry tickled with the fact that M.Muthalik is now gonna be in Dharwad and Belgaum instead of Bengaluru as per his original plan. I am guessing he got scared the bengaluru hoodgas and hoodgis might just make him wear a huge garland... made with what else, but Pink Chaddis! :p

Me, I am waiting for my return gift! sari! Check out IHM's wicked poetry! If you haven't already that is! :)

So what plans for the V-day peoples?! :)

I have no idea what this post is going to talk about or where it's gonna go. There is so much that has been happening that is scaring the hell outta me while making me very very angry. Be it idiotic Sri Ram Sene actually getting cockier by the day with the publicity they are getting to people losing jobs in hundreds every single day.

Puja wrote her usual short post packed with a punch after the Mangalore attacks and though I tried to take it lightly, I just realised that it could be so true. Tomorrow, it could be M and me sitting somewhere and talking or just holding hands and walking in the malls, god forbid even exchange a hug and a peck and we could be thrashed for it. I don't wear any mangalsutra or toe rings to prove I am married. Will carrying my marriage certificate everywhere help considering most of these hooligans cannot even read?

If push comes to shove, will I be able to kick these men in their nuts and tell them to buzz off?! Will it be wise to do that even if I could work up the courage to do it? I mean violence isn't exactly my strength. No wonder, I don't belong to any of these moral police type parties. I quite like Trailblazer's post on this. It hurts like hell. Do read it. IHM too has been making a point and all relevant ones too about this.

To top it all, the BJP government ru(i)nning the state doesn't think parties like SRS need to be banned. Are these not fundamentalist organisations too? Are these people NOT terrorists?? These "internal terrorists" are even more dangerous because they actually get support and protection from some of us. Just like I was shocked to see some of my "educated" friends supporting MNS! So on that principle, will they support Kannada Rakhshna Vedike or some such organisation when they try to throw Maharashtrians out? With such violent means? Here's an interesting post by M on Internal Terrorism

Just today I had lunch with a male friend. We hug when we meet. If there is one of those hooligans walking by just when we hugged, will I branded as a slut, a dhabba on Indian culture and worthy of being molested by 10 men?! My heart beats faster and my blood boils at the thought of it.

Why do we make such a big deal about how grown up men and women want to behave with each other? Or how they want to spend their free time?

M used to travel a lot in one of his previous jobs. There was no Cubby even and I used to really get bored. The only friends I had then were mostly M's pals and some colleagues of mine. More often than not I would call one of em least once a week and tell them to take me out. We would have dinner, perhaps go to a pub or watch a late night movie. M knew about this and he was totally OK with it because we base our relationship on trust. That's the reason I was ok with him going to a bikini bar on his trip to Philipines! That's what grown ups do. They talk and sort out things amongst themselves. They don't need some idiot of a culture vulture to tell them what is right and what is wrong!

Once when a colleague and me decided to go for a movie, M was online (sitting in some godforsaken country) and I told him to book our tickets for the last show. My colleague was shocked. He actually could not believe that a relationship could be so honest and easy. Ofcos this dude perennially worried about how to get a virgin wife and I kept telling him you can never be sure! That made the poor guy even more nervous! :p

So then why do we complicate everything by basing things on gender stereotypes and prejudices of every kind? Why is it still a big deal to get married out of your caste and religion? Why is still awesome if we celebrate each other's festivals? Shouldn't it be the norm by now? Why do we still keep the onus of preserving bharatiya "culture" on a woman's shoulder? Why do we think different rules apply for different people and sexes?! Why can't I dance in a discotheque? Why can't i drink if I want to?! Why can't I wear what I want without being judged either as aunty or a whore?! Why am I an outsider even in my own country just because I cross a state border? Why is it so difficult for us to be polite and speak a language that everyone in the group understands?!

But more than all these things, why are we suddenly SO intolerant of everything thats different from us?! And what makes us think its OK to resort to violence to prove our point?! Why do we all want to be same, rather than enjoy our differences and diversity?! I mean not many countries are as lucky as we are to have so many different cultures in one geographical area! Shouldn't we celebrating it rather than fight it?!

Like I said this was supposed to be rambling. I almost never do these kinda posts because I cannot be logical in my thoughts and rather prefer reading and commenting on other people's blogs. But what the heck, its my blog innit?! :p